There is this magical little thing that happens when you have a pregnant wife. Your bed begins to slowly disappear. Guys who have experienced this know exactly what I mean. For the rest of you, let me explain.
It started off really subtle. Somewhere around the first half of the second trimester baby momma comes to me and says “I would really like an extra pillow, I hear they help you sleep.” Sure no big deal. We go to Target and she picks out this pillow that is roughly the size of me.
Now I sleep on the left side of the bed and her on the right. Now with the Greg sized pillow I stayed on the left, her in the middle and the pillow on the right. No big deal, I can deal with it. The dog after all decided he liked the pillow and started sleeping on top of it instead of between us. I have 1/3rd of the bed at this point.
About a month ago I was having drinks with a friend whose wife was about a month ahead of us with their first child as well. We start talking about baby mommas and he asks “have you started having to sleep on the couch yet?” I laugh it off and say it has not been too bad so far.
The next week when I got home from a trip baby momma goes “I think it would help having a couple of pillows on the other side of me.” I start trying to envision how this is going to work and I am having a hard time. Being a good husband I act like it is no big deal. So now we have me, pillows, baby momma, and Greg sized pillow. My space has been reduced to 1/4th of our queen size bed.
Next I end up with pneumonia and bruised ribs as a result. I already have to sleep mostly on my side, so I have to put a small décor pillow next to me to try to keep the pain tolerable. Baby momma at the same time is even more uncomfortable at night which means she flips from side to side about every 30 minutes. This pisses off the dog who was sleeping on the Greg sized pillow and he starts sleeping on my side of the bed. I am now down to 1/5th of a bed.
We now have 5 weeks left today. One more pillow and I am on the couch. At least I had warning.
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