Let me first preface this with the fact that I do enjoy a zombie flick every now and then. So there is a long shot that my fascination with the genre has ever so slightly warped my view of the situation. But this is highly unlikely, the fact is that my beautiful daughter is most likely a zombie.
This all began about a month ago. We noticed that every time we would pick Ava up and hold her we would get large wet spots on our shirts around the general area her mouth lands. Upon further investigation we found that she was indeed trying to suck, or chew, on our shirts. A couple of weeks ago we noticed this increasing. Suddenly she was chewing on every part of us she could. She would constantly grab our fingers or hands and pull them into her mouth.
She is only 3 months old, but we thought what the heck, maybe she is teething. So we did what any middle class parents would do, we went out and spent money trying to please our kid. The problem was that no matter what we gave her she didn’t want to chew on it. We even bought one of those little rubber giraffe toys that everyone raves about. She simply wanted human flesh.
To further add validity to the zombie theory, she has been trying to talk a little. I am pretty sure she has been saying “BRAINNNNS”. Of course her grasp of the human language is pretty minimal at this point, so it comes out more like “ohhhmaaalaaa”. But I am pretty sure once she works on her skills her first word will in fact be Brains.
This are not all bad however. Without any teeth it is going to take her quite a while gumming it to actually eat even a small portion of us. Not to mention it takes her about 30 minutes just to move a couple of feet at this point, so it is not like she is going to sneak up behind us or anything. However if there is a zombie outbreak in central Arkansas that seems to originate from a daycare worker with a missing finger, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
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