Let me preface the following post by saying raising a child is extremely difficult. You never get a second peace. There is constantly an ass to wipe, formula to make, boogers to suck out, puke to clean off your shirt for the 4th time that day, and on and on. You should feel really sorry for me. In fact, catch me on a Wednesday when I do not have baby duty and buy me lunch, or a drink, or both.
However, there are advantages to having an extremely cute child. Honestly I feel a little sorry for people with ugly babies, I can’t imagine they get the same treatment. People go out of their way to help someone with a cute baby. So starting today I am willing to allow people to
rent baby sit for $100/hour, and by that I mean you pay me $100/hour to use my child and her innate ability to get anything you want. Here are some case studies about how a cute baby can be useful:
The other day I decided to swing by Starbucks before dropping Ava off at day care. Was it because I was up all night with her and needed a little caffeine to make it though the day? Heck no, she slept 10 hours that night and I just needed to shake off the Unisom I took to ensure my full 8 hours of sleep. I debate for a couple of minutes in the car about taking her in. I don’t want to be one of those parents who leave the baby in the car, so I go ahead and grab her finally. As expected at 7:30, there is a line of people both waiting to order and waiting on their drink.
So here I come carrying Ava. She is excited because it is a new place and is talking to everyone who will look at her. Immediately someone next in line grabs my arm and tells me to get in front of them, the other 6 people in line nod in agreement. I order my 4 shot Pumpkin spice latte happily and move over to the line of 5 people waiting for their drink. I notice the barista look at Ava, grab my cup and go ahead and make it in front of the other 5 cups waiting to be made. In and out in less than 5 minutes.
I can tell hundreds of stories like this. I had an 80 year old woman offer to carry my bag out of Target one day that Ava and I swung by to grab some formula, I declined that one though.
Then of course there are the home things. Ava loves to watch football, in part because I had her watching replays of games and watching NCAA 2012 on the Xbox back in June when there were no games on. She will absolutely zone in and watch a game for hours. She starts crying? Pull up a game and she is happy. This has ensured my college football watching experience now that it is actually the season. I came in from being in class on Saturday and Brandie was having to watch football without me just to keep her content. What husband wouldn’t want this.
Seriously people, if you don’t have a cute baby you are missing out. I am tempted to start taking her with me to job interviews, which by the way is excellent for any of you job seekers. If you are interested in renting my baby just drop a comment.
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