So I know you can’t read yet, we will work on that soon I assure you. Here is the thing, there are a few items we need to address before your arrival.
First, the day. I’ve got this whole thing timed perfectly where you come out toward the end of next week. That way my time off works well with deadlines, others vacation schedules, and sanity. I understand that you might want out of there sooner, I can handle Saturday thru Tuesday if absolutely necessary. All I ask is not Friday the 13th. I would have to immediately bathe you in holy water, say 500 Hail Mary’s and sacrifice a dozen sheep. Sheep are freakin expensive due to high gas prices, so I would appreciate it.
Second, the dog. As much as we have tried to break it to him, he does not understand that you are on your way. He also for some reason thinks all of your stuff is his. Grant it pushing him up and down the hall in your stroller might have contributed to that a bit. I am going to need you to be as accommodating as possible with your crying schedule until it gets acquainted.
Third, diapers. I swear to begin the process of house training you as quickly as possible. We were very successful in teaching the dog to poop outside, and I have full confidence that we can get you ahead of schedule. Until that time however I need you to save up your stinkies for when dad is unavailable.
Fourth, Saturday mornings. Hate to break it to you, but the TV stations have decided to cancel Saturday morning cartoons from the last week of August through the first week of December. It is most unfortunate I know. Instead all tv stations will only air ESPN College Game day followed by football games all day. To compensate they have agreed to show more mascot and cheerleader shots.
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