Like many kids growing up, I watched Sesame Street. I believe that every child has their favorite. Most people go with big bird, these people lack creativity and self worth. Some like Cookie Monster, these people tend to snack a lot and are possessive. Others like Snuffaluffagus, these people are awkward and typically excel at killing any conversation no matter how engaging. Finally there are people who like Burt and Ernie, these people are extremely friendly, however they feel the need for constant companionship and tend to suffocate people who are not Burt or Ernies.
Then there is me. I liked Oscar the Grouch. Take that back, I LOVED Oscar. I went as far as having my grandfather buy me a trashcan to hang out in. Of course he drilled a few holes so that I would not suffocate. I am sure there is a warning label for that by now.
I am not sure what all my loving Oscar says about me, although it may be reflected in the first paragraph describing the other characters. One thing I know for sure is that it makes Christmas time nearly unbearable. I see no reason to get excited around this time. I live near the main shopping area in Little Rock and I can’t stand the long lines everywhere or the idiot people who drive in from the sticks and can’t properly understand red lights (because they have none) or turning lanes (there is only one lane where they come from).
I don’t understand how people enjoy Christmas music, which is really just the Big Birds of the world trying to make a buck by poorly re-singing an already bad and uncreative song. There are endless sweets that the Cookie Monster’s put out to send everyone into a diabetic coma. The odd office presents that Snuffaluffaguses give that will promptly be given back to them next Christmas because I have no clue what to do with this junk.
Or worst of all, here are the Burt and Ernies. There are people who you spend 11 1/2 months avoiding like they have some infectious plague destine to wipe out all of civilization. Then for that half month you are forced to visit with them and pretend like you have yet to realized that their 100 yard proximity will wipe out the human population all because Burt and Ernies feel like since it is Christmas we should all spend time cordial to each other because they need their togetherness.
For 27 Christmases my grouchiness has been fine. Those close to me come to expect it. This year however I have one tiny little 13.5 lbs problem. When I see the girl’s eyes light up every time she looks at her own Christmas tree that my wife (not an Oscar) put up I know that I have to control my Oscar-ness. To her it is all magical full of lights and glitter. Kids have a terrible taste in music anyway so she probably likes the Big Bird remixes. We are also talking about a kid who plays with a anatomically incorrect rubber giraffe so the awkwardness is fine with her. Plus she loves playing with all people so the Burt and Ernies are wonderful.
Even an Oscar cannot deny her a happy Christmas.
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