Late last night baby momma and I were sitting on the couch thankful to get a little relaxation from the spring storms. Ava started up her moving and kicking like she does every night just before bed. We were enjoying the experience of feeling her move together. She calmed down for a moment and I took the break to check my email on my phone. It is a bit of a compulsion that I can’t seem to break. I only had one message. Brief, simple, and numbing all at the same time. The subject line read:
“The passing of Kirk Manor”
A handful of you know the complicated mess that is my work situation. I work for Winrock International, but work out of and completely with a small state agency. I essentially have two sets of coworkers that do not mix. Except that is, for Kirk. He was the only one that was employed the same way, even though he worked out of the Winrock office instead of the state one.
When I joined the organization over two years ago the state side of my coworkers were less than warm and welcoming. Everyone was friendly, sure, but distant. Winrock on the other hand wanted to care about me. Kirk as a fellow Winrock employee became the only person from the state side to be welcoming. Through him I was slowly able to gain the trust of at least the other field personnel like the two of us who were spread throughout the state. It was this dual relationship however that always allowed me to spend more time with him than the others.
The work we do on the state side has had its fair share of downturn over the past two years. It has created bonding opportunities between all of the field workers bringing us closer while dividing us more from the central state office. We all were able to work together to overcome obstacles. Kirk had a lot of obstacles this past year, struggling to find a place for low demand programs. He recently asked me to develop a plan, one last bold push that I think would have worked. Instead the program will probably be lost along with the bonding that would come from rising up together in the face of adversity.
Today with Kirk still very fresh on my mind I took baby momma to her doctor’s appointment. Turns out she has been having a few contractions here and there and is even a centimeter dilated. It will still be a few more weeks until Ava, but the whole pregnancy was a real bonding moment for the two of us. Life has been tough this past year and in spite of it all, here we are, finding ways to succeed when the world tells me I can’t.
Today has been about beginnings and ends. Starts and finishes. New hope and recollections. Life and death. The circle of life that never ends.
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