I love to learn. One of my favorite things to do is to pick up a new subject and learn it inside and out. I can tell you about anything from the 6 Day War between Israel and Egypt to the difference between Superstring Theory and just plain String Theory (it is all about supersymmetry).
One thing I never bothered to learn and understand was myself.
It seems somewhere in the process of understanding how the quantum theory of gravity can notbe understood using a 3 dimensional universe model I forgot to figure out what Greg actually enjoys doing.
This came to head about a year ago. It looked my job began the slow process of being phased out and I decided I didn’t want to deal with it. I was rapidly approaching 30 and wanted to enter a growth period of my life (professionally, not horizontally).
Instead of taking a job I loved I took a job that loved me. In a sense I was everything the job needed and it was nothing that I needed. I didn’t understand myself.
I am not good at being wrong. It is not that I am always right, I just don’t take action on things that I am not positive are right.
That is the part of growing up that is hard. Everything is going right, the company is having their best period in several years in large part due to me, yet I have to suck it up and admit that I am wrong.
I spent the last 10 months trying to learn about myself.
When am I happy? What makes me tick? Where do I feel successful? What am I really good at? What type of people bring out the best in me?
What I learned was that I really didn’t know much about myself at all. I learned while I was really good at the work I did, I was doing it in the wrong places with the wrong people and it was never going to be rewarding to me. In a sense I’ve made decisions that on the surface are right but underneath it all are completely wrong.
I was wrong about myself, very badly wrong.
Through this process I started thinking about what type of place would be best for me. Essentially it was an impossible job. A job that offered tons of growth, tons of flexibility, and people that could be smart as hell along side of me but also believed in building people up rather than stepping on them.
I searched and came up with nothing.
About a month ago I saw a job posting and completely ignored it. The title was wrong and I passed it by quickly. Yet it kept back to me in the form of several friends asking if I looked at it. Finally, mostly to shut them up, I applied for the thing.
It amazingly became all of what I wanted in job. The people were awesome, the work was awesome, and the culture was awesome. Only one problem, the job didn’t exist anymore because I waited too long to apply.
It was one of those typical “we will keep you on file if something opens up” type endings to an interview.
The very next day was Valentine’s day. The wife and I decided to go out for dinner. I looked down at my phone on the ride and saw a DM from the guy I interviewed with asking if I was available, this is like 6:30 at night.
Turned out the stars had aligned and they were able to somehow actually offer me a position.
I am still not 100% sure who I am. I am much closer to knowing. I think that is the nature of art, you never perfect it, you just strive to know or do more every single day.
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