This morning was the royal wedding as some of you might have heard. While I certainly did not get up at the butt crack of dawn to watch it (trust me, I need all the beauty sleep I can get) I did have to watch the highlights with my wife as I was getting ready for work. One thing I noticed in watching it, their wedding was almost exactly like ours. Let me tell you the story…
Like William, my wedding really began with the night before. The all famous bachelor party. William hung out with his friends and groomsmen for one last night before marriage, one of which went on to join a cult shortly after the wedding (thank God he waited). Just like William my night started with one of my groomsmen forgetting his toothbrush so we drove to Walmart in the metropolis of Monticello to pick one up.
After that we figured we needed to do something. Monticello being the pinnacle of night life that it is our only real option was to go to the movie theater. We watched some awful movie and went back to go to bed around 10:30. Just like William.
Then the big day arrived. Like the royal wedding, ours was set in a scenic old country church 15 miles out of town, right next to her father’s cow pasture. Like William, all my groomsmen and myself got together in the attic to change because the girls had taken over the only rooms downstairs.
Then came the big moment. My beautiful princess walked through the door to meet me, my groomsmen, her bride’s maids, and the preacher we could not stand, due to a technicality had to use anyway. We exchanged vows and lit the unity candle while my best friend from high school sang. Then of course the unity candle went out, and just as I am sure Kate’s dad did, Brandie’s dad ran up and relit it, making a scene as always.
Now I actually did get to watch the reception of the royal wedding, with the exception of a few minor technicalities things were the same. Instead of standing on the balcony to greet all of our guests and adoring fans, we stood in the doorway to the buffet line forcing people to greet us before they could have food. At this point in the coverage I had to go to work, so I am making a few assumptions about the rest as well.
After the wedding we loaded up in my black SUV with shaving cream and window paint covering it, just like I am sure William’s carriage was. We went to the car wash on the outskirts of town. I went ahead and opted for the super duper wash so Brandie had time to change in the car and make out for a bit before we headed off to our honeymoon. Just as I am sure William and Kate did.
As our fairytale wedding came to a close, just like William and Kate we didn’t have time to drive 2 hours to the nearest airport and fly out, so we drove all night to our destination. Just like William and Kate will do tonight. The closest destination spot that was Gulf Shores, just like I am sure William will take Kate to their version of the Redneck Riviera. We rolled up about 1 in the morning, got our key to our beach house and lived happily ever after.
*Note, I did make a few inferences that may or may not be accurate about the royal wedding. Maybe next time I should do more research. But I am guessing at least 2% of this is accurate… ok, maybe 1.5%
More wedding pictures here: http://goo.gl/60sNB
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