Yesterday started off as any normal day. Brandie had an appointment at 1 with the baby doc so I got to work a little early to try to cram in as much as possible so I can take a long lunch to go with her.

What happen ended up being one of those moments where time seems to stand still for a while. We just got back from a fantastic trip to Chicago, I was looking forward to my packed schedule the next couple of days, and I felt a little revived from my break. We got in to the room and the doctor had the doppler out checking for a heart beat… and nothing happen. We were moved quickly down to the ultra sound room and it was confirmed that sometime between the last visit and this one the baby had stopped growing and didn’t make it.

Everything in the world just seemed to fade into the background. We had no clue, Brandie had no problems so far, and in just a routine we visit the world seemed to stop for just a few minutes. The doctor never used the word miscarriage, of course she never had to. She works in the NICU with Brandie and both of them just gave each other a look of understanding.

When we first found out Brandie was pregnant I wasn’t sure how I felt. I certainly didn’t think I was cut out to be a dad. True it was slightly planned, but it felt like I was more giving into the inevitable than actually wanting a kid. I struggled the next month of knowing with it, having a hard time accepting that it was really happening.

Then came the first doctors visit, the moment I heard that little heart beat I melted a little. All the insecurities faded a way and I was truly excited about it. We had told most of our friends by that time just because in the age of social media we didn’t want anyone we cared about to find out second hand. After the visit however we had always heard that was when it was ok to tell people, that the critical stage was over. I started this blog and really saw my life move from being just about me to being something more.

I had hoped the post after the doctors visit to be exciting about hearing a stronger heart beat, from the same heart that captured me in the first place. Instead there was nothing but silence, and a day after I feel like I have slipped into that silence a little. So sorry I missed Daybreak this morning, and don’t expect me at Tweetup tonight. You all have been great friends, but it might be more than I can take right now. I still haven’t decided what I am going to do with this blog, I guess just hang on to the domain until the next try. If you have a suggestion let me know.

Funny how much a perfectly normal day can change your life. I feel like a completely different person than I was when I woke up yesterday morning. No one tells you how hard this can be.

 
  • http://alextcone.tumblr.com/ alextcone

    You are in our prayers.

    • vickie

      I don’t know if this helps any, but keep writing. You never know how many people have experienced this (I’ve had 2). I think your insights could really help others. Sometimes we overlook how dad is affected too.
      love you,
      vickie

  • http://www.thebeedot.com Amy

    Oh Greg. Do what you need to do, when you need to do it. Just know that if y’all need someone to help along the way, you have many people willing to give you the support you need.

  • http://damnyoulittlerock.wordpress.com/ damnyoulittlerock

    I am SO sorry. We have been there. It’s awful. All I really know is you feel bad until you don’t. Hang on to each other. If either of you need to talk, give a shout, I’m here.

  • http://wholebrevitything.com Bryan Jones

    Friend, I’m heartbroken for you.

  • SavannahB

    Oh.
    My heart breaks for you and your wife. While it may be odd to hear (and for me to say) that a perfect stranger is praying for you, I will be. I don’t want to offer empty platitudes, but I do hope you and your wife find some comfort for now, and hope for the future.

  • http://www.cottonrohrscheib.com Cotton Rohrscheib

    Greg, there isn’t anything that anyone can say that’s going to ease what you are going through right now. It’s just going to take time bro. Donna and I literally locked our doors and ordered in for about a week before we went outside. Just hold onto one another close and allow this moment to bring you and Brandi closer. Just know that you guys are in our prayers and if there is anything I can do just let me know.

  • http://KnowtheNetwork.com Keith

    Greg I’m so sorry brother. My heart is broken for you and Brandi.

    We experienced the same thing last spring and it was the most difficult experience that we’ve ever encountered.

    As Amy said, ya’ll do whatever you need to. We love you and we’ll do anything we can for you.

    You will be in our prayers. I’m sorry brother.

  • Paul Strack

    Greg,

    When you shared the news with me yesterday, I was shocked and saddened. I didn’t know quite what to say. Today is no different. I am so sorry, and please know that our thougthts and prayers are with you and Brandie.
    And as the others have pointed out, if you need anything, or anyone to talk to, you have many, many friends here.

  • http://erniebufflo.wordpress.com erniebufflo

    I am so so so sorry. Like Savannah said, it’s weird to hear and say that I’ll be praying for you, since we’ve never met, but I’ll be praying for you. I hope you and your wife can hold onto each other at this time and find comfort and peace.

  • sarabethjones

    So, so very sorry.

  • http://www.karlandkat.com kat

    Oh Greg, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about you both.

  • Melissa

    I am so sorry.

  • http://www.notestoself.us Kyran

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you’ll feel free to keep the blog exactly as it is, a place to process, reach out, and share as you feel moved. Let the space be whatever you need it to be for now. Even if it’s silence.

    Best,

    Kyran Pittman

  • TrishJ

    So very sorry. Hold each other tight and give her extra hugs from all of us. We will keep you in our prayers.

  • http://bootsmcblog.com jobeth (bootsmc)

    completely heartbroken for you and Brandi. My prayers are with you both.

  • Jonathan

    I am so sorry. I wish I had words to help you and Brandie through this.

  • Joshua

    Man, so sorry to hear. Very sad for you two.

  • Katie Walden

    Greg, I am so sorry to hear about your little baby. I pray that you and your wife find comfort and peace in this difficult time.

    Psalm 121:1-2

  • varvil

    My heart sank when I saw your post. Ya’ll mean so much to me & Lindsay and our thoughts are with you.

  • Ginny

    I’m so very sorry for you and your wife Greg. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. I trust that everything is going to work out the way that it is meant to.

  • http://www.jasonhaynie.com Jason Haynie

    Greg,

    I can’t relate to you as far as loosing a child like that. I can however relate to that dark feeling you talked about. When Presley was about a year and a half old she started experiencing respiratory distress. What was suppose to be a routine visit to the after hours clinic turned into an overnight stay at childrens hospital. It was touch and go for a few hours and I had to really come to terms with the possibly of loosing my child. All I can say to you man is don’t see this as the end. Take the time to heal, and take the lessons that come from this, then try again. I have some friends who experienced a still born, they healed and tried again and now have a beautiful little girl. Being a parent is the absolute best thing that can ever happen to someone and you deserve that happiness. If you need anything at all, call me 501-658-9941. Thinking about ya buddy.

    Jason

  • http://cherylferg.wordpress.com cherylferg

    Greg, so very sorry for your loss. Hold each other. We will be praying for you two. Hang in there.

    Cheryl

  • justin

    Like everyone else, I’m sorry to hear that. The same thing happened with our first pregnancy. There’s not much more I can say than that, that won’t just sound cliche.
    But, I can tell you that, just like what you’re seeing now, there are friends and family around you that you never knew have experienced this. And everyone of them will be thinking of you and your wife while you go through this.

  • UnoOne

    As others have said, we may not have met in person but I know pray works and I will and have already been praying for you and Brandie. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. I am so very sorry.
    RMJ

  • Harper

    Thinking of you both.

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