It is always odd having a date on a major life event. I think I have expressed my love of Timehop before, it shows what you did this day one year ago through social networks. As a highly socially connected person it is a fun thing. Yesterday I was starring down another major life event with a date when I came across this post from last year about scheduling Ava’s induction. I knew that in less than a week I would be a father, it was almost a certain thing.
Suddenly everything became the last. Our last night out, our last full night sleep for a while, our last night as a family of 2… It was an odd feeling watch days turn into hours, then minutes, and then seconds waiting for that first cry. Time was a magical thing, the more you tried to slow it down the faster it came when you had an absolute date.
Today I announced to my current work that I was leaving to take another job. Like the baby, I knew it was coming for a while. It was just a matter of when. Now it is official, I have a date, and it is just a matter of the time between this second and the moment I walk out of the door for the last time.
I’ve been at this job for the longest of my career. It has had some hard parts like trying to work through bureaucratic that comes with being state and federally funded. Working with local manufacturers though has always made the job fun. There are great people doing and making great things across the state and I’ve enjoyed telling their story and helping them promote their products and company.
Now instead of helping everyone I am just going to help one. The new gig will be at Power Technology which creates lasers. The company is great, I’ve had some interaction with them over the last few years as a client. It moves me into the high tech area which is something I’ve always enjoyed. Plus what could be cooler than working with laser beams? Maybe I can finally work on those sharks…
When I started this little blog over 2 years ago I had one key rule about the content. No parenting advice. There are thousands of those things out there, and quite frankly most of them are garbage. I instead chose to focus on seeing things through my point of view and sharing with you a bit of imagination that runs through my head daily on this journey.
So for 2 years I’ve stuck to this rule. I’ve been asked, begged, and held hostage for 48 hours in a third world bunker to give my parenting advice. I always say no, what do I have to offer, I am seriously just making this up as I go.
The other day I was sitting at lunch and overheard a conversation a girl was having about keeping a goldfish alive. Apparently she was on around her 47th, give or take a few. It got me to thinking, I’ve kept this little goldfish alive for almost a year now. That is pretty impressive.
Then I get a notice the other day when I went on Klout to claim my free honey tea perk. I got a notification saying I am influential in parenting. Those of you know Klout know that it is basically the standard on how influential you are, so this must mean something.
So for a one time rule break, I’ve decided to give you guys my 5 tips on being a successful parent. My wife leaves me home alone with the girl every other weekend, which honestly is the only time this girl is treated well. So I decided to document my 5 tips with photos from our day to illustrate. Click on any of the photos for a bigger version.
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1) Give your child a bottle when she needs it, two if she wants it. Seriously, they tell you when they are thirsty and hungry. Pay attention to your child. Give them a little extra if they ask. Pediatricians recommend that you start weaning the bottle around the year mark. I find a red solo cup makes for a smooth and easy transition.
*Note, it is just IBC rootbeer, what sort of dad do you think I am?
*Extra tip: Real food is occasionally good too. I typically set my left overs in the floor for the dog and the girl to share. She appreciates it.
2) Show your child the importance of reading, but don’t forget to change them after. Reading is one of the most important lessons to instill in a child. I didn’t become a genius by sitting around watching movies. Find common times to read to your child and have her read herself. Some of you choose bedtime, Ava thinks reading is so exciting though she would never go to sleep. Instead I wait until I see her grunting a bit and hand her a mag and throw her on the toilet. She loves to read Soiree and Wired fyi. As an added bonus she should be potty trained early.
*Extra tip: Don’t flush the diaper, it seriously will not go down.
3) Play games with your child. Children have a deep and vivid imagination. Why suppress that imagination with stupid games like peek-a-boo or patty cake? Instead Ava and I set down and play video games together. Everything from NCAA Football to Halo, she especially loves it when I make the level all rockets. Grant it she is completely awful, I beat her at least 7 out or 10 times, but think of the imagination cultivated from blowing up aliens or taking the Razorbacks to a BCS championship (neither will ever happen).
*Extra tip: Don’t play the old school games from your youth. Your child will grow up thinking you are lame. Only modern games.
4) Teach your child everything you know. Think about it, I have 28 years of learning experience on this little girl. I could let her struggle through life down the same path or I can get started now on sharing all the knowledge I’ve learned. So every afternoon we go through my undergrad and graduate courses. Be sure to give rewards when they do well. I for instance give her supper every time she correctly intercultural communication models or can name all 44 presidents in order. Think how much smarter she will be when those children whose parents don’t love them are learning their ABC’s in pre-school and mine is calculating super string theory.
*Extra tip: Don’t get too frustrated when they do not get it right away. Their brains are small, it takes a couple of lessons to learn quantum physics, which is still about 100 less than it took the mom to learn it.
5) Kids stink, show them you love them by bathing them regularly. Finally, after a long day your kid gets dirty. So do their clothes. I find it a nice way to wind down the day in bathing the girl. She loves the soap bubbles and how the washing machine makes her go round and round. Most of the time she throws a fit when we go to get her out. She could play all night. It is a great way to show your child you love them by taking care of needs beyond what is basic. For an added bonus just leave their clothes on, takes care of the chore of washing them later.
*Extra tip: Try to gentle cycle. I find the normal or heavy duty makes her throw up sometimes if she recently ate.
*Note, I do not take any responsibility for harm to either your child or washing machine as a result of following my advice.
The girl’s first birthday is just a little more than 3 weeks away. In the middle of planning a party we have to find the perfect gift for our girl. This is one of the harder birthdays to buy for I hear because you are torn between something practical and something she may or may not consider fun. In trying to balance these two options I have decided on the perfect present. I am going to get my daughter false teeth.
A week or so ago I was talking with a fellow dad friend about the runt not having any teeth. In an attempt to ease my fears he said “Don’t worry, our child was almost a year before hers came in all the way. In fact I think I don’t think it is a big deal for them to come in at 10 or 11 months.”
That was not helpful so I turn to a few friends from the other gender with kids. A few shared stories of being 9 or 10 months. Several said not to worry, they are sure she would get them before she turned a year old.
Given that the girl is practically stumbling distance from her first trip around the sun I’ve consented to the fact that my girl will be gumming her food in the college cafeteria at this rate. It is time for an intervention, because dang it my girl wants some cheerios.
So in a few weeks when you see her chomping down on her birthday cake with a set of shiny white incisors with a smile you can know in the back of your mind that I am the most awesome dad ever.
Ava is almost a year old. 11 months today actually. Over the last year you all who are connected to the mom and me have loved pretty much anything we have put out about the girl. Which, let’s be honest, we make amazingly beautiful babies together. We actually have been told that by complete strangers, which is as completely awkward as you can imagine.
One thing that everyone has loved above all is our growth pictures of Ava in her car seat. It has been a fun project because you can clearly see how our itty bitty baby has grown to an ever so slightly larger (but still little) girl. The photos however were complete accident at first, which is why the timeline is off.
See it started out when we were leaving the hospital. We put her in her car seat to leave, strapped it down as tight as it would go, and still she could have easily just wiggled out of the seat. She looked so small in comparison to the car seat that we had to take a picture. So the first one came at the hospital.
We were so scared she was going to slip out of the car seat that we hurried her home and only got her out when we absolutely had to. We didn’t much until almost 2 months when we realized she fit a little better and wasn’t going to fall out. That was the second photo. I thought it would be fun to compare the two side by side to show the difference. You all unexpectedly loved it, more than we really expected. It was at that point a onetime thing.
A few months go by and she grows. Occasionally someone mentions doing another comparison picture, which I naturally forget to do. Finally the number of people including my wife asking for another round becomes overwhelming. So I do a 5 month one to shut you all up.
Only you didn’t shut up, you wanted more. I actually took a 6 month one, but realized the difference in one month was not dramatic enough and went to an every other month thing from that point. I’ve done a 7, 9, and 11 month version. I’ve kept it with my camera phone because that was how the first picture was taken. Trust me as a photographer it pains me to have my most popular series be from an iPhone, but as Chase Jarvis would tell you, the best camera is the one you have with you.
In that time I’ve found out a few things. #1 odd numbers are terrible. #2 babies grow a lot. #3 they outgrow car seats way too quick. I can’t imagine my 16 year old daughter being willing to pose every other month in her old car seat when I get to that point.
So going forward and learning from my lessons I am going to continue this. I’ll have a different point of reference and I am starting on her first birthday and doing even months from there. Also I am taking it with a real camera, expect a much better second series.
I believe, at least in the south, every dad dreams to some extent of their kids growing up to be sports stars. I have no clue why this is, most truly exceptional athletes I have met in my life are complete a-holes**, which is not something I want any kid of mine to be known as.
**there are noticable exceptions to this rule, in his heyday Corliss Williamson was quite nice, Clif Lee is a good guy, and I met Reggie White while he was still playing and is one of the greatest people I’ve ever met.
Growing up I played basketball to the best of my ability. I was asked to play running back for the football team at one point and for some odd reason declined. Basically unless I could pull off a Spud Webb I was a complete athletic failure. About as close as the wife came is playing HORSE in the yard with her dad. When you take away dribbling, the other half of the court, and defenders my wife is an excellent basketball player herself.
Essentially sports are a little hard for those of us slightly taller than umpa lumpas, though if they ever formed a Willy Wonka basketball league I would dominate.
Given the runt’s stature of a little more than 2 ft currently, I think the odds on her playing many sports is greatly diminished.
The wife has always been obsessed with gymnastics, I’ve never given it much thought as a competitive sport. However she puts up with my football, so I took her to a gymnastics game a couple of weekends ago. Once I got past the ever so slightly hot Missouri girls, I realized that most of the girls were in the also in the slightly taller than an umpa lumpa range.
Maybe the girl has a chance at sports after all. Now if I could just discover how they score points in a gymnastics game.
Many lifetimes ago before I met my baby momma or daughter I was just another broke college student trying to find out what I wanted to become (as opposed to now where I am a broke dad trying to find out what I want to become). For no real reason other than the subjects fascinated me I chose Political Science as a major. When all my other slightly older Poli Sci friends were trying to decide what to do and looking at law school I thought that sounded like a great idea.
I was completely enthralled with international relations at the time, so logically when planning my post-grad life I looked into international law. So I studied up on the LSAT, took electives that helped the cause, and even started the application process. As the story goes that has been told here before, I met a girl that didn’t want to move. Which was a problem since all the good international law programs were in DC.
A few years later when it came my turn for grad school I explored again going legal. This time staying local and going to UALR’s Bowen law school. Ultimately I decided to go with a MA in communications leaving any legal ambitions behind. Or so I thought
Last week after unexpected twitter request I found myself with a photo shoot out at the law school. I think more than anything I was excited about being able to hang out at the law school for the day, with permission to bust in on a few classes and full access to the building. For one day I got to relive what could have been, at least behind a camera lens.
The photo shoot went great by the way. Here are some of my personal favorite photos.
Usually I keep all the sappy junk away from this little space. Truth be told I don’t think in sappy terms most of the time, so that is probably half the reason. But today is Valentine’s day. So either like it or get over it.
The pre-married us
There is this magical way of forgetting the way things were when those things take a sudden and dramatic change. I can’t imagine living by myself like I did for a couple of years in college. I can’t imagine what it is like to not have to let the dog out every night before bed. I can’t imagine someone not throwing their leg across me in the middle of the night pinning me down.
The memories of life before the girl are similarly starting to fade. What, for instance did I do on the weekends when the wife worked and I had time to myself? How did it feel to sleep in until 6:45 every morning before day care? What was it like to actually watch a movie with wife and actually hear the words instead of watching the subtitles because that is the girl’s time to talk the loudest? I still remember the answer to these questions, but it is a little fuzzy around the edges.
There is one question that has changed the most in my life. What is love? The answer is not the same as it was 8 years ago on our first Valentine’s day together.
First of all, that was a complete disaster. We went to college about 2 1/2 hours apart, so getting together involved one of us driving to the other on the weekend. Vday fell on a Monday that year. She came over to my apartment. I decided to be all romantic and buy rose petals and spread them out, mostly because I didn’t have enough money to buy actual flowers since I was saving every dime I had to buy a ring. I made dinner, which likely involved rice since I would buy it in a 50 lbs bag and make it for every meal for the same reason as the petals.
Rose petals, as it turns out, has a magical way of staining light colored futon covers, just FYI for any other poor kids out there.
Monday I get this rather angry call expressing how bad of a boyfriend I am since I didn’t send her a Valentine’s day card. I thought the whole weekend experience was enough, turns out I could have just skipped it and bought a card. She really loves her cards, something I’ve never forgotten again.
Love back then was about trying to please. Trying to make magic where none really existed. It was about making mistakes and trying to find the right words to fix them. It was awkward and unruly. It was an untamed beast that would either run away alone or take you with it to a new beginning.
This morning the wife and I took our few minutes in passing together. I made her a cup of coffee and she gave me my Valentine card. I had taken the opportunity to give her the one I bought for her yesterday because I wasn’t sure how much time we would get.
I gave her that ring that forced me to only eat rice and buy rose petals 8 years ago, and another one several years later. Last spring she gave me a daughter in return. That daughter threw a fit this morning when she realized that I was taking her to day care instead of sitting at home with her for another not-so-snowy snow day. After giving her a bottle she laid her head on my shoulder and repeatedly whispered in my ear ever so softly “dada. dada. dada”.
Love is now magic in every corner, waiting to be discovered not created. It is about overcoming perfection and hoping for a mistake, because you just might find something wild and unexpected. It is confident and controlled. It is being the world to someone and having them return the favor.
That is what love is.
There is a little irony in the way things turn out. When the baby girl was still fresh from the baby factory every time we would take her clothes off (bath, diaper change, volcanic eruption) she would scream and cry as if she had been neglected in a dark cave after the apocalypse for a year and you just ate the last Twinkie in front of her. Baby momma and I would try anything possible to get out of taking her clothes off and ditching it on the other person.
Oh how times change.
It all starts with the con. She knows when she is due for a full clothes and diaper change. She acts calm and innocent. Sometimes she will even cuddle just a bit while you are taking her to the changing table. When you lay her down she will stay still. She easily lets you take her pants and shirt off. Sometimes even helping a bit. The first diaper tab comes off fine…
Then bam.
As soon as she hears that second tab undo she flips over like an acrobat and starts crawling all over the changing pad. She grabs everything she can. If you try to grab her she kicks and squirms and eventually gets out of your reach. As you try to put a diaper back on she rolls over and over on the pad trying to keep you from putting it on. She kicks her legs for the pants and does this crazy little Arabian belly dance trying to prevent her shirt from going on.
This is a child who wants to be naked and have fun doing it. Next thing she will be doing naked cross country skiing in our living room like @amybhole’s boys.
About half the time I take her out after this full service change she has an article of clothing on backwards. Yesterday I realized when I put her in her car seat for day care she had her entire outfit on backwards, and part of it was inside out. Kris Kross’ style may be staged for a comeback fyi.
In the nearly 2 years of posting this blog I’ve come to find that people visit for two reasons other than just being entertained. Moms and motherly type want to come read to get a guy’s perspective on how this whole parenting process works. Dads and non-motherly type are hoping desperately that I’ve figured the motherly type out and can provide some glimpse into dealing with them.
*Note there is actually a third type that come to the blog, for some reason I get traffic from the search results “guys rubbing each others bellies” and “wild and crazy grandmas”. I am just not going to go there however.
I am very sorry for those of you who think I have it all figured out. I’ve got nothing. In fact my brief obsession with chaos theory has yielded more insight than anything else I’ve come up with at this point.
For starters, I have absolutely no clue what makes my wife cry. There are moments when Ava does something new and she gets excited and there are times when she does something new and the wife burst into tears.
Example: The girl has been pulling up on things and standing up lately, which has up until this point made the momma excited. Ava is sort of a poor judge at how high she can stand up when she pulls up on things. She has a pillow that she will stand up on, of course it is only about a foot off the ground so that does almost no good.
Last night we are watching a show and letting Ava play a bit. She crawled over to the pillow and stood up with it, which results in her butt significantly higher than her head. For the first time however she decided to just push back from the pillow. So there she was, standing without support on her own. I immediately get excited and congratulate the girl, telling her good job. The mom burst uncontrollably into tears for a good 15 minutes.
I am offering a free lunch to anyone willing to explain what makes the momma cry.
I have experimented with facial hair off and on since college, however a little over a year ago it stuck, literally. It was late October of 2010 and a coworker asked if I wanted to do Movember with him. It was the first time I had ever heard of growing a mustache in November, but I figured what the heck, so I said yes.
I went home and proceeded to not shave for a few days. Finally when time came to burst out of my face fuzz cocoon and become a beautiful mustached butterfly I hesitated. Grant it most of my hesitation was a fear of looking like a 90’s porn star. So instead I found a technicality, if I just went full beard I would not look half as ridiculous and technically I would still have the mustache along with a chin friend. (the friend by the way took my idea and did the same)
Somehow the beard stuck. The wife liked it mostly. So when December 1 came around I decided to keep it. Now I’ve got a year and some change behind my beard and I’ve learned ways that it is awesome. (note that I did actually shave it one time while on paternity leave, hated it and grew it back out before anyone noticed)
1. Do it like a Big Bear: Bears (the grizzly kind, not the other kind) with the exception of the honey badger are probably the most ferocious woodland creature. Everything and everyone is scared of a bear except other bears. The beard gives you certain bear like qualities which scares off lesser woodland creatures while giving you rapport with the indigenous bear population, which keeps you from being ate by said bears. Note however that certain female bears might want to hibernate with you for a bit. Might I suggest spooning to keep your cover.
2. Protection from the Cold: Believe it or not we are in the dead of winter. You wouldn’t know it by the 70 degree temperatures, but we are here. Eventually it will get cold or global warming will trigger an ice age and you are going to have a sudden desire to become warmer. A beard is like a wool coat for your face. You get to sit back and laugh while the smoother types have frost bitten chins. For added protection, you can even throw on a beard warmer.
3. Portable Food Storage: Let’s face it, if you have a beard you are going to at some point walk away from lunch with some leftover enchiladas. Embrace the food storage. Come 3:00 and your office neighbor is scavenging for a snack you have one a tongue swipe away.
The pinnacle of beardness, there is no questioning his gender - Brett Keisel
4. Extra Sleep: Think about the mass number of men who have to get up and shave their entire face every morning. Now dream about that while you are enjoying your additional 4.5 minutes of sleep that you get because you do not have to shave. As an added bonus you can simply shampoo your face along with your head instead of having to do a separate face washing. Just make sure to not grab your girl’s shampoo or you will walk around all day smelling strawberries and cream. Might I recommend my favorite Beer Shampoo
5. Easily Identifiable Gender: My friend @kellimarks has made me aware of something called a “gender reveal party” that she discovered when she opened the bakery. Now I have no clue what goes on at these parties, but I am picturing a bunch of gender questionable people standing around in a circle placing bets on what they think each other are. Then in some way shape or form revealing this to the others. With a beard you never have to experience this.
*note, in extremely rare instances this could result in a false positive in gender identification. Never use beards to judge the gender of circus workers or librarians.
